High School Slang According to Brett Kavanaugh

I have noted before that the Trump era is often difficult to parody because it is already so extreme, and nothing illustrates this better than the Kavanaugh hearings. The man is a serial liar, and it’s not at all hard to prove. His laughable explanations for the slang terms he used in his high school yearbook are such obvious hogwash, it’s like he wasn’t even trying to be plausible. The thing is, these weren’t just little lies — they were directly related to his history of binge drinking and his attitudes toward women in high school and college. Whatever his behavior then, he’s lying now, and should be nowhere near a position of power that involves evaluating evidence.

There is a darkly entertaining article about a gay punk who was unfortunate enough to share Kavanaugh’s dorm at Yale. If Kavanaugh is confirmed, I’m afraid we will all be that guy.


  • ThorstenV

    There is talk about this alternative script for Star Wars where Luke does join the Dark Side and Leia has to rescue them all. Think I found it

    Donald Trump: There is no more beer now!
    Brett Kavanaugh: [overwhelmed, crying] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOOOO…!!
    Donald Trump: Brett, you do not yet realize your importance. You’ve only begun to enjoy your power! Join me, and I will complete your training! With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict, and bring order to the Amerika again.
    Brett Kavanaugh: [angrily] I wonna … beer … now!
    Donald Trump: If only you knew the power of Despotism! In law school they never told you what it takes.
    Brett Kavanaugh: They told me enough! Hava too work … tails … off [vomits]
    Donald Trump: No. I am your road to the Supreme Court!
    Brett Kavanaugh: [shocked] No… No! That’s not true! That’s impossible!
    Donald Trump: Search your privileges, you know it to be true!
    Donald Trump: Brett, you can destroy the democracy. I have foreseen this. It is your destiny! Join me, and together, we can rule the Amerika as Supreme Judge and President for Life! Come with me. It is the only way.
    Brett Kavanaugh: Uh … good point actshally [dozes off]

Jen Sorensen is a nationally-published political cartoonist. She is a 2017 Pulitzer Finalist and recipient of the 2014 Herblock Prize and a 2013 Robert F. Kennedy Journalism Award.