The Sorensen Monologues

This Week’s Cartoon: The Ultimate Republican Candidate

There is much fretting in Republican quarters about the lousiness of their presidential candidates. While it’s true that Romney and Santorum both have weird if not downright repulsive personalities, it seems to me that Republican voters are getting more or less what they historically like: a Talibanesque theocrat, and Mr. 1% himself. Yes, yes, they both have their impurities, but really, either one would probably be more ideologically-consistent than Obama. Radical corporate-personhood types would be appointed to the Supreme Court, the social safety net would be slashed, the Global Gag rule reinstated. What Republicans want is a good ol’ boy to make it all palatable to the masses. They’re waiting for their cowboy to ride in on a horse and save the day with a Reaganesque smile and tip of the hat. But unless there’s a brokered convention, they’re stuck with major dweebs. (As some readers have pointed out, any Republican candidate is a major dweeb, but I’m referring specifically to backslapping/room-working skills.)