The Sorensen Monologues
This Week’s Cartoon: “The Tale of Tarball Timmy”
One thing I don’t get about this whole oil spill fiasco is why BP insists on denying or downplaying scientific facts about the leak. I’m sorry, I mean the death fountain. It’s not like we aren’t going to find out that there are, in fact, giant billowing plumes of schmutz spiraling out into the Gulf six ways from Sunday. We’re well past the point of spin here, BP! Seems like they’d have less of a PR problem if they just said “Yeah, we really screwed the pooch on this one. Words can’t even express how awful this is. We suck.”
In other news, I’m off to Portland OR tomorrow for 3.5 days of drinking with the nation’s editorial cartoonists. I’ll try to post from AAEC as I can.
Choice Reads
I’ve been too busy with real-life stuff this week to do much babbling on the internet, but a few items caught my eye that I simply must share with you.
First, the Supreme Court ruled against Arizona’s campaign finance laws that provided matching public funds to candidates who ran against wealthy, self-financed candidates.
It was those matching funds that produced a challenge from well-financed candidates, backed by the Goldwater Institute and other conservative interests. The candidates argued that the matching funds “chilled” their freedom of speech because they were afraid to spend more than the limit that triggered the funds.
Just try to wrap your brain around that logic. Can we now all agree that the Roberts court is dangerously stuffed with plutocratic wingdings?
In other irritating news, this Texas billionaire managed to even die at just the right moment, during the one-year lapse in inheritance taxes built into George W. Bush’s budget chicanery. Now his heirs will get a cool $9 billion tax-free (unlike, say, the income one earns through working). On top of that, it seems they’ll inherit some stuffed polar bears too:
An avid big game hunter — Mr. Duncan has more than 500 entries in the Safari Club International record book for killing animals including polar bears, rhinoceroses, bighorn sheep, lions and elephants— he made a $1 million donation in his will to the Shikar Safari Club International Foundation.
On a somewhat lighter — though perhaps no less disturbing — note, the Stranger has an amazing cover story (NSFW!) about a strip club in Seattle called the Lusty Lady, which is closing down. It’s a long piece, but I’ll just say that the details get more eye-popping as you keep reading, and leave it at that.
This Week’s Cartoon: “Great Moments in Astroturf”
I saw a web ad not too long ago that read something like “Stop big government at the cash register! Tell Congress ‘Hands off my wallet!'” (Alas, I can’t find the actual ad online anymore.) These days, any campaign starting with “Hands off!” tends to mean “Stop laws preventing big business from getting its hands on something,” so out of curiosity, I clicked.
It turns out part of the recent financial reform bill passed by the Senate included a provision protecting small merchants from price-gouging by credit card networks. From Sen. Dick Durbin himself:
An estimated $48 billion in swipe fees were charged by credit and debit card networks in 2008 – this money came out of the bottom line of small businesses and consumers across America, and 80% of this money went to just ten large banks… Currently Visa and MasterCard, which control nearly the entire debit card market, set unreasonably high debit interchange fee rates that bear no relation to costs.
You know those little signs at the cash register that say “Purchases under $10 cash only”? Technically, they’re illegal — even though merchants actually lose money when people use plastic for small items. This law would change that, and the big banks are pissed. So they’ve set up a front group called “Consumers Against Retail Discrimination” — C.A.R.D., of course! — to protest this unfair discrimination against poor li’l plastic. Among these oh-so-altruistic “consumer advocates” are Mastercard, Visa, Bank of America, JPMorgan Chase, and many more!
For banks to pull this stunt in this crappy economy, after all the damage they’ve done so far, takes real wontons* — and only a few people seem to be talking about it. So I felt compelled to address it in a cartoon, although I’m afraid the comic barely scratches the surface. Some things just require too much explanation. Oh well.
*Intended as a reference to male or female reproductive organs
Divine Punishment
Got a chuckle out of this letter to the editor in my alumni magazine:
I was dismayed when I opened my copy of Virginia Magazine and found a short article celebrating the appearance of John Waters at the Virginia Film Festival (“Filthy Fun,” Spring 2010).
It is to my shame and regret that I admit to attending a late night showing of his Pink Flamingos in Wilson Hall in the spring of 1975. I remain haunted to this day not by the “fun” of attending the film, but by the fact that it was my first experience with true pornography.
The invitation by the U.Va. arts community to host Mr. Waters is a profound commentary on our social order today. Surely a host could have been found to help celebrate light, goodness and truth in the arts, rather than one who will lead minds and hearts into the descent into the shadows of the soul.
Dr. Kent D. (Col ’76)
Plymouth, Mich.
Shadows of the Soul, Exhibit A
Slowpoke an AAN Finalist
Slowpoke has been named a finalist in the 2010 Association of Alternative Newsweeklies awards, to be announced in July. As it turns out, I know all of the other finalists — Matt Bors, Karl Stevens, and Steve Greenberg. Props all around.
This Week’s Cartoon: “Backyard Blitz”
I hate leaf blowers. I think I might hate them even more than Hummers. At least Hummers don’t shriek with the wail of a thousand banshees. It always strikes me as deeply oxymoronic that people are fastidious about making their lawns look perfect, yet they give not one damn about the noise pollution that turns neighborhoods into deafening hells on earth. Not to mention the use of a stinking combustion engine to do light work at a time when it’s abundantly clear that that’s stupid. To quote the late actor Peter Graves, Mission: Impossible star and anti-leaf blower activist, “We are all victims of these machines.”
(And yes, I empathize with the low-wage yard workers who find them useful, but you gotta draw the line somewhere.)
Culturally-keen readers will recognize the title of the strip as reference to this song:
It’s, it’s… the BACKYARD BLITZ!
This Week’s Cartoon: “…Rand Justice For All”
I seem to have a number of libertarian readers, or at least, I used to before I drew this cartoon. As I anticipated, some have complained that Rand Paul doesn’t speak for them. But according to several prominent libertarians quoted in this nicely-researched TPM article, Paul’s take on the Civil Rights Act is well within the mainstream of said political philosophy. Apologies for the lengthy quote, but this stuff is just so great:
Paul’s stance is “very reasonable, and quite close to the Libertarian position,” a spokesman for the Libertarian Party told TPMmuckraker.
“If some private business discriminates we think that’s unfortunate, but we don’t think the government should get involved in banning it,” said the spokesman, Wes Benedict. “That’s just a negative that we have to tolerate in a free society.”
Walter Block, a libertarian professor of economics at Loyola University, and a senior fellow with the libertarian Ludwig Von Mises Institute, went further. “I think anyone who doesn’t believe that isn’t a libertarian,” he said, calling Paul’s comment “a very mainstream libertarianism.”
“I’m delighted that Rand Paul said that,” an enthusiastic Block added. “I think it’s magnificent. I didn’t realize that he was that good.”
“The spirit of non-discrimination,” said Block “ends you right up in compulsory bisexuality.”
DOH! One minute you’re requiring restaurants to serve blacks, the next minute, everyone has to shag everyone! Such a slippery slope!
Am I saying libertarians are racists who hate the disabled and women in the workplace? No. Am I saying their ideology is impractical to the point of silliness? Well, yes. As I was saying over on Facebook, what really gets me is the quaint notion that violations of our freedom only come from “the guv’mint.” In the cases of slavery, the segregated South, and Lilly Ledbetter, the market wasn’t exactly doing a good job of regulating itself. Libertarianism may champion the ordinary individual, but in practice, it lets the bullies win.
Signs of the South
Oh, also yesterday, I actually saw a billboard for Nestea in Atlanta saying “Throw yourself an inner tea party!” I am not making this up. [UPDATE: The actual wording was “Throw your inner superstar a tea party” and a commenter and further research have convinced me that Nestea is innocent of pandering to kooks. Apologies for leaping to conclusions. But really, I do think it’s time for a new ad campaign.]
People on Planes
I encountered a new form of obnoxiousness while flying back east to visit my parents yesterday. I had the middle seat in a row of three, which kind of sucks for a five-hour flight, but I can deal. This middle-aged, married-looking couple began sitting down on either side of me, so naturally, I offered to move one seat over so they could sit together. They exchanged pained, awkward glances, as though I had just told them not to mind my ebola virus, and then they explained that they had intentionally arranged to sit this way since the woman is claustrophobic and needed the aisle seat. Now, this reasoning didn’t hold water, because the dude could have easily traded places with me, and he didn’t — he stayed by the window. Obviously they both hated the middle seat and preferred to have a stranger suffering in between them. “Don’t worry, we won’t talk over you that much!” the guy said, but of course there was food being passed back and forth, and a cell phone (both engaged in baby talk with their grandson), and occasional conversation between them. It was like I’d unwittingly stepped into some weird, asexual ménage-à-trois. The woman, it should also be noted, kept slipping out of her Prada sandals, and putting her nasty feet all over her seat cushion.
By the time we reached Atlanta from Seattle, I detested them and their stunning sense of self-entitlement, and I think they knew it, because the woman apologized again for her “claustrophobia.” I’m sure they’re going to pull this stunt on someone else on the way home, and while I feel bad for that poor sucker, I sure hope it isn’t me.
This Week’s Cartoon: “New Uses For the Gulf of Mexico”
More dopey oil spill gags for your pleasure. I tried hard to go beyond current cartooning clichés, such as suggesting we plug the hole with oil industry executives, as satisfying as that might be.
I’ve noticed a tendency among wingnuts to respond to cartoons like this one and last week’s (about pre-polluted babies), with accusations that I just want to go back to the stone age. I marvel at this quaintly simplistic, binary way of thinking. As if any suggestion that we apply more reason and caution to how we do things means I want to return to a purely agrarian lifestyle living off my own yams. It must be nice to live in a world where everything fits into a neat little box.
A Wee Note About Feeds
I set up Feedburner today, and it seems to be working fine. If you were waiting to subscribe, go ahead, and if you’ve already subscribed, there’s nothing further you need to do.
Banks Telling It Like It Is
From the NYT, the financial industry’s response to new regulation of debit and credit card fees paid by merchants:
And this was not an easy vote. Lobbyists for the wounded but formidable banking industry made clear to some senators that this decision would affect future campaign donations, according to people who participated in those conversations.
I guess they aren’t even trying to pretend our campaign finance system isn’t a form of legalized bribery anymore.
